Wow, you're so smart...

I met someone new the other day.

No, this isn't going to be an account that I met a significant other and for the next few paragraphs will be of gushing, sunshine on a cloudy day, and bluebirds singing. Besides, this new person isn't of the opposite sex. So alas, my hunt for Mr. (doesn't have to be) Right continues.

I became newly acquainted with a nice 20-something young woman who was intrigued that I was a molecular microbiologist. She had some insightful and intelligent questions about my profession. And on the turnabout, I was delighted to hear about her own experiences with being a test subject for the latest vaccine for HIV. Wow, she's braver than me!

During the conversation, once again I heard the words: "Wow! A scientist! It must be nice to be so smart!"

I've learned to kindly accept this compliment that comes with having a Ph.D. or being in the science profession. I have protested the exact opposite, in which people think I'm joking.

"No... SERIOUSLY, I'm not as smart as you think I am."

"Ha ha... you're smart and funny too!"

Le sigh.

Yes, I was an A-average student. But low A average. Most of my science classmates scored 97% on their exams, while I was happy with a nice 84%. I had this idea that if I hung out with incredibly smart people, their smartness would rub off onto me, or maybe an osmosis effect. My chances of nabbing scholarship awards/grants were next to nil. I was competing with 99.9% averages. There's no way that I'd win over those folks. I just accepted that I wasn't brilliant, but it didn't deter me from pursuing a career in science. Just made things that much harder.

My first job in science is the shining example of this fact. Actually it wasn't a job... more like a volunteer position. The last year of my undergrad, to get an Honours nod you had to do a research project. From my tiny university, there were only two choices: protein biochemistry or nucleotide biochemistry. My friend Dana (one of my brilliant friends) had her eyes set on cancer research, so the protein biochemistry lab was the logical choice. That left me with the nucleotide research lab headed by a professor whom had previously told me to my face that I was "an idiot". I wasn't overly eager to join his lab, but there was no other choice. And I kinda like DNA. So I attempted to muster courage to ask him if he'd be willing to be my Honours research advisor. It took me 3 days standing outside his closed door, panicking about the prospect of knocking on his door. It wasn't until Dana stood beside me and forced me to knock on his door...

Eying me ruefully, "What do you want?"

"Uh, hi. I've been seriously considering doing an honours project next fall in your lab. I'm wondering if you'd accept me."

"I only accept people on scholarship. Are you on one?"

"Well not a science one..." (I was on a scholarship for Deaf and Hard of Hearing folks, apparently I was a smart Deaf person)

"I thought as much, you don't have enough brights for my lab," while he started to close the door.

"Wait! That may be true. But how about I volunteer to work in your lab over this summer? If you're still convinced that I don't have what it takes, fair enough. But I'm hoping you'd give me a chance to prove myself."

"Wha? You're telling me that you'll work in my lab for free all summer?"

"I'm only asking for a chance to work in a lab to see whether it's really for me. I'll do anything, even wash test tubes."

Which was exactly what I did for the first month. I wasn't "allowed" to do any type of experiment or touch any scientific devices like a simple PCR machine or micropipettor. Just brunt work: washing test tubes, making agar plates, autoclaving waste, washing more test tubes. But I made the most of the experience, observing anyone doing an experiment or procedure. Apparently my curiousity permitted me one day to actually isolate DNA. I was so proud! I think I still have that agarose gel picture of it too. 4 months of working 40h/week without pay (I did night shifts and weekend work at my regular job) apparently impressed the prof and I was accepted to be his Honours project student. The project itself wasn't all exciting, just testing the efficiency of something, but I learned a lot from my first science job and the prof later told me that he learned that not all scientists are good on paper alone (aka transcripts).

Years later, while I prodded onto a Masters project, doctoral project, and now even a post-doc position, my IQ hasn't improved much. Experience, definitely. But I'm still not smart enough on paper.  Even the science that I do today, some of the concepts, I can't get my head around them. But being industrious, at least I have that. So while appearances may be that I'm brilliant - like developing a vaccine brilliant - honestly I'm just like the normal person in an everyday job. The trick remains to convince a dinner party of that...

Music today - I'm purifying proteins this week which means loong looong loooong painful days of spinning and watching things drip. Thank goodness for my mp3 player. The Shout Out Out Out Out's "Dude you feel electrical" is one of my new faves to techno groove.