speaking of MAD things...

Well this weekend has been a write-off. First I must point out that I have been ill. Ppl ask me, cold or flu? I'm a microbiologist dammit, not a "real doctor". A microbe definitely, but honestly the line between cold/flu symptoms is far too blurry. I usually define flu with fever, so in that respect not a flu. However it doesn't dimmish the capacity of constantly waking up in the night, coughing and hacking til my throat feels that it's bleeding and my lungs are on fire.

Anyways... enuf of that ramble. Saturday I figured that I'd at least could go out and walk around a lil bit, just enjoying the weekend. But Mother Nature decided dump 5 inches of snow on us. Yes, for anyone below the 49th parallel, it does snow in April. Five inches of the white stuff doesn't scare me, no, it's those 300K idiot local city drivers that apparently lost their winter driving skills from the past 5 months. I'll admit that I'm an angry driver... not flipping the bird kind, and not definitely the type that will start a scene. But I do swear at ppl who make greenie decisions driving. So feeling not up to snuff and weary of bumper benders, I decided to shack up at home til Monday.

Which brings me to today. Throat: raw n scratchy. Lungs: I believe my bronchitis is making a come back. Snow: still there, I'm pondering seriously of brushing off my car though before the AM rush tomorrow. Which reminds me, I have an oil change tomorrow AM.

Among searching online, msn messenger kindly announces that the dear ol' Material Girl has made a new video. I'm an 80s child. Madonna is part of my upbringing. She's done it all, in the definition of what an entertainer can do (I say entertainer, as she isn't just a singer, but an actor, a writer, a producer, ahh.. ahh... whatever else). I'm not a PRO-Madonna fan. However I do respect her more than Michael Jackson for argument sake. But where both are concerned, I just enjoy their music. So here... in case you haven't watched it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN7s1q3L-S0

This is where my Mystery Science Theater 3000 skills show off. I like poking a lil fun at videos and movies. I also lmfao at MuchMusic "Videos on Trial" for the same reason. Bashing multimillion (and some multipenny) vids is fun!

So... Timbaland gives his "50-cents" (snicker) intro. And we note that a "bomb" is going to go off in 4 minutes. Ooooh suspense. Apparently his voodoo chants are changing the world into origami nightmare... reality is folding closer n closer. But of course, there's 4 minutes left, tons of time to "save the world", so cue da music!

YES! Ladies and Gents... Madonna's first appearance in like what a 5 year, baby making hiatus is her ass! In a corset nonetheless too! Maybe this is a "stick it to you Britney" moment.

Ooooh she ran out of gas, that's why Madonna needed to make this video. Pushing her black maffia cadillac in her seemingly dominatrix boots. Yes, yes some soccer moms show up in their Dodge Caravans with Tang and watermelon in the back. Not Lourdes' mom. She shows up in full Femdom attire in a black caddy with bond daddy in the trunk.

Hmm, I really like those boots.

The origami bomb effects are cool. Gotta admit that in a Dr. Evilish way.

Whoa! A "rugged bearded" J. Timberlake? (Timbaland... Timberlake... who's next Timbariver? Timbersky? Did Madonna's rolodex get stuck on the "Ts"?) So Madonna and Justin together, me smells wardrobe malfunction coming up.

Okay, we're into voyeur mode watching hohum foreplay but eww! Hmmm, disgusted eww? Fascinated eww? The origami bomb folds off skin. Somehow I feel this is a Robbie Williams' rip off. Lawsuits to follow most likely. (5 seconds later) Ok...future making out is now permanently scarred for life. Thanks Mads!

Apparently the foreplay was boring for Mads and Justin... moving on... to a used car lot?

Note that all the cars were made before the car alarm systems were invented. This is ESSENTIAL folks. Otherwise the Madonna beat would clash with the annoying "whooop whooop whooop" sounds as Mads and Justin hopscotch their way around.

Oh yes! car sex! oh blink.. there it ends. And that boys n girls is what we term a "quickie".

More leap frog on cars... I wonder how many takes this scene took in reality.

Onto grocery market... me is thinking that this is a typical day for Mads. Pick up kids in black maffia caddy, voyeur a couple, trash a used car lot, oh yes... need to pick up milk, bread, condoms...

"Pick up on aisle 9 please!"

"Don't be a pri(hey)ma donna"???? me groooooans to the play on words.

Gotta hand it to Mads... watching my food move on the conveyor belt has now changed. But I'll give a Mad scientist's beaker nod to the usage of the conveyor belts in a dance number. Original.

Those boots again...

Where are we? Workoffice washroom? Shared washroom it would appear. This must be from Ally McBeal's tv set. Stripping... hmm, but I don't feel the chemistry. And I'm still awaiting that wardrobe malfunction ppl.

Look out Mads! The origami bomb iz gonna get you!!!! And she leaves JUST(IN) the nick of time (hey if Mads can get away with "pri(hey)ma donna", I get my 15 seconds of fame for JUST(in) the nick of time).

Speaking on time... gawd there's STILL 53 seconds left before the origami bomb blows the world to kingdom cum. And what do our video heros do? Dance of course!

I'm actually paying more attention to the clock behind them than actually their dancing. What I'm looking for is screw ups in the time sequence. That's me, I watch clocks in movies to note if time goes backwards. The trick is in a short, 1 minute scene - the clock is broken. Thus no hint that a 3 minute scene took 5 hours to shoot. But here, they don't have that luxury. I noted 2 mini flaws, but albeit, they are minor. They got the timing sequence pretty well done.

Ohhh! clothes come flying off! 30-seconds til wardrobe malfunction.

Wait fer it....

Wait fer it....

So Mads on her knees pumping in front of a guy... now this vid definitely needs to be renamed "Tuesday"

Still waiting fer it....

Tick tock... the clock counts down and SHOCKER the origami bomb has boxed them in!

OOOOOH! Is that's the wardrobe malfunction? Justin and Mads losing skin/flesh/muscle/vital organs? Janet is envious.

I give this video 3 Mad scientist's beakers out of 5.